Sick of it all.

I'm so fucking sick of everything.
I'm sick of fighting. My mum is like overstressed, and my bro is hitting puberty. Add that up and you get a huge collide, everyday. I hate their voices when they're all angry. Makes me pull back into my room.
I'm sick of people judging me, or the feeling that they are. Well of ocurse they are, but I just don't know what they're thinking about me. I don't even want to care, but I do. From now on I'm just Tanya. Not Tanya the emo, Tanya the punk, Tanya the goth, Tanya the crazy girl, Tanya the poser, JUST TANYA! Myspace is like so full of shit, though I'm addicted to it, because there are a few people who are just completely rad, but myspace causes a lot of insecurance, and I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of that fucking school. Maaaaaaan I hate it so much. I physically hate it. Mum is trying to force me to work, which doesn't work at all because I just don't swing that way. When somebody tells me to do something, I do the exact opposite. I know that I'll find myself when it all goes wrong but right now I'm just so frustrated with school. There's a lot to do and I just don't feel like doing it. The only things that interest me are the subjects I don't really need to pay attention to anymore, because I'm already good at them.
I'm sick of thinking about the future. I have no clue where I want to apply for college. I don't even know what I want to do for a living! Maybe I should just take a break after I graduate, and work, or maybe go to another country until I figure out what I want to do.
I'm sick of the boredom. It's weekend and I haven't done anything. I haven't even left the house. I want things to do. I'll be at dad's next weekend and that's all I know. After school, I don't do anything but going on the computer either. Not just because I don't have a life, but because I just don't know what else to do. There's not much to do in my room, or in this town. Most people are never available.
And I'm sick of being single. Guys scare me, they do. But I really want to find one who I can trust. I want to fall in love. I want somebody who makes me feel like I'm worth something and someone who could be my best friend and boyfriend at the same time.
  • Current Music


Rianne told me Lostprophets are coming to Holland, and I was immediately happy because we've been wanting to see them for ages, and we promised we would go together. The only problem though was that the concert is on a wednesday, so it'd be pretty hard to convince my mum to let me go, but I was sure I was gonna be able to convince her.
So about two hours ago I tried. And it immediately went "Yes, if it's not on a schoolnight" fuckkk. So I got all my arguments why I wanted to go so badly, but it all came back to one thing: school. alkjegjeiorgvrjkfd! We got this whole discussion again, where I cried and the whole drama of how much school sucks and how hard it is came on. My mum wants me to look for help, but I definitely don't want to. I don't like help. I will just have to find a way to deal with all this, and I'm just gonna make my own mistakes, I'm not gonna make mistakes because of other people's advises, because that's what got me here in the first place.
I'm fucking upset right now. Not only because I can't go to the concert, but because she brought up all the school stuff again. I don't even care! And I'm not just being a teen, I'm above that, but I just hate school so much, and not like everyone else does, I have my reassons, trust me.
  • Current Music


This weekend was Appelpop, this free festival in Tiel. Friday me and Sabine went there, and we met Rianne there. We took a lot of pictures, and we went to Krezip. Krezip is Rianne's favourite band, so of course we had to be in the front. We were at the second or third raw. Pretty cool place. They played really good, although I forgot most of their songs. I'm not that into them anymore, but they're good. It was a pretty good show.
Jacqueline (the singer of Krezip) at one point said "hold each other" before they started playing a slow song. This drunk guy next to me grabbed me and started like, dancing with me. I felt pretty akward at that time, but it was funny. He was trying to get my attention the whole show, but everytime I was just pretending to be very into the show and my camera, and I just tried to ignore him.
When Krezip stopped playing, I found these guys writing something in Rianne's diary. Then Sabine signed the drunk guy's belly roflmao! I was afraid I had to do the same so I got out of there. Another guy (this one was actually cute!) said to me "I have the same neckless as you!" he was cute, but I didn't really know what to say to that so I was like "Ehhhh... -fake akward smile- oh!" hahaha.
Then we went outside, chilled out, took some pictures, and after that we went to see Within Temptation. They're a pretty big deal over here, and the whole place was stuffed when we got there. We almost didn't see, but sometimes we did and it was pretty cool. That band is really good, they're just not really my taste so I found it kinda boring, but they were definitely good.

The next day I went with Sabine, Marlies, and Annette. We went to Lange Frans and Baas B, but they suck, so we got out and sat in front of the second stage. We waited, and then we went to that stage to watch Textures play, but Sabine later turned them into Texas, so that's what we call them now. Texas was pretty awesome! They were so good! They were metal, but awesome! And while they were playing, this guy stood next to me, and later in front of me. I was like woooaaaah! He was so hot. I turned to Sab and pointed to him. Later he moved, unfortunately. Sabine and Marlies didn't really like Texas, so they left, but me and Annette stayed and headbanged for a bit. During the show I was still looking for the guy, but I couldn't find him.

After Texas we went to sit down again, two guys were sitting next to Sabine, and I was like hmmmm, she made friends again, but they later turned out to be her Belgian crush and his friend! I didn't realise until we were watching Treble, who were crap also, so we sat down again :) I called Stephanie, because we were supposed to meet up. It was a bit of a search to find her, but I did, and we talked for a bit and it was pretty cool, but then I wanted to see LPG, so I left. Me and Marlies watched then and we were in front raw. They were good I have to say.

Later we saw Stephanie and her friend again, and we went to After Forever. During that, I don't know where Stephanie went, but I didn't like After Forever, and I don't think any of us did, so we left again. We sat down, and I really wanted to go to Gem, but the others didn't, so I was like, okay then, it doesn't really matter I just know one song. Then Annette said "Shall we go anyway?" and of course I agreed. They were SO COOL! They were definitely my favourite that day. I danced during the whole show. Marlies and I stayed as the others left to watch Head-Shot I think.

We saw Rowwen Hèze, everybody was dancing, they were kinda party music, but I didn't really get much out of it, because I didn't know a single song by them.
After that we went to eat something. Annette pointed at a girl in front of me, because she was wearing an Angels and Airwaves shirt. And I was like Oh my god that's Elleke! So I called her name and we chatted for a bit. It was cool to see her again. We waited for our food, and sat down. I really wanted to be the Feromones, but nobody really wanted, and I was deadly tired so just decided to stay. We went to Racoon, we had a good spot and they were cool, after that we sat down again. Sab's belgian friends found out their tent was gone, so we had a problem there. It was a big drama, and it kinda ruined the whole night, oh well. Annette wanted to see de Dijk so we got there, I found them really boring. Just a bunch of old men, singing about death... Oh well. After that I called my dad and we waited (it was cold!!) and then we got in the car. But there was six of us, plus dad and Rachel, so Sabine, Philippe and I had to sit in the trunk. It was horrible, but so hilarious! Best expierience.

Other things I forgot to say but I have to still mention: Sab and I were so random, this guy on friday night was looking if the microphones were working, so he started talking into the thing like random stuff, and he kept repeating "jaja, nou nou, poe poe" hahahaha. Sab and I kept repeating that the whole Saturday. And Friday night, when we wanted to get a soda, this woman behind the bar went "ooooh wat gezellig" we repeated that a lot too, it was so funny.
  • Current Music
    Green Day

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I want to go to bed so badly because I'm broken, but I just want to share my story about today.
We had this "GPS tour" some kind of navigation tour we had to do for school.. great. We had to go places and find coins. So we went to the dijk and Uiterwaarden and the navigation thing sent us to some nature place, we had to go through all these plants and climb over benches and I cut my finger open on thorns, it was horrible. I didn't know it was going to be like this, and I had my new shoes on! They were all covered in mudd and dirt! I could just go to my schooldirection and kill them.
We made a really long way, and walked for about 2 hours, when we finally got back to our bikes and rid back to school. I was so upset about my shoes (and it rained, so we were just all gross) so I decided to skip the class and go home to change, and wash the shoes. After that I went to informatica, then lunch, and then economics. Danielle asked me if the other VWO class had a studyhour as well. It turned out that my German teacher wasn't there, and the class dropped out. The other class did have a studyhour as well, so we went to our history teacher to ask if she could give us an assignment to do at home, so we didn't have to wait for a whole hour. She did, and I went home. I called Annette, because we were supposed to go to Nijmegen, so I said we could go a little earlier, because I already finished school. We took our bus at 3:30, and shopped til we dropped. I bought a sweater, and we saw every other cool shop in Nijmegen, but there was nothing really interesting enough for me to buy it. I didn't even try anything on at the H&M! Shocking. At the H&M Do came up to me, and she was with Ashley. Hadn't seen them in a long time, and I've actually only seen Ashley once when she was in Nijmegen the other time with Do. It was pretty cool to see them again :] Well Annette and I just shopped a lot, talked a lot, laughed a lot, and definitely walked a lot. Oh man, I'm so beaten, so I'm gonna stop writing now, take a shower, and go to bed, because tomorrow is Appelpop, and I have to be fit for that (and I also have to go to school, meh...)

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Yay I finally got my own Livejournal skin! It really took me a while to get it working, but hey, the result is good (at least I think so). No I didn't make the heather. Somebody on the forum made it for me. Credit to her!

Today I was totally bored in school and I don't know why. I just couldn't consentrate. It was a bit weird. But oh well.

Oh, and here's some tunes, if it'll work:
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  • Current Music
    Breaking Benjamin

I wrote something

You know these books
When you look at the cover it seems so different from the other books
It's not even a very attractive cover
But when you start reading, it gets interesting
You can't really tell what's it about, even if you've read fifty pages already
But once you finish that book, you're completely stunned
You want to read it over and over, and tell everyone about it
More people start reading it, and it becomes a big hit

I like to believe I'm one of these books
You just haven't read it all the way through yet.

I haven't been well lately, and it keeps me thinking. Maybe I should just share my thoughts?
Writing things like this helps me. I decided to write in my livejournal more often, because actually I barely use it. I'm not sure I'll stick with this promise though. We'll see.
  • Current Music
    Thunder [Acoustic] - Boys Like Girls

Pink Posers reunion

It's been a while since I posted, so here we go now.

Yesterday me and Sabine went to Rianne's, because it's her birthday tomorrow, but her party was yesterday. In the afternoon the three of us went to t City and had some fun. We took pictures, went to the Expo and saw Green Day ;D Then we went to the stairs and took pictures on that, which was kinda funny. There was this fanfare playing music and Rianne and I decided to dance to it. It was pretty cool.

At night more of Rianne's friends came over, but I actually hardly noticed because Rianne, Sabine and I were having too much fun. We drank, talked, wrote in each others diaries and just had fun. After everyone left, we decided to go for a walk, and we switched shoes so everyone was wearing one of someone else's shoe. We went to the playground and took some pictures, but that got cut out when a guy asked us if we could quit because his dog was freaking out. We went home and watched tv. Sabine wanted to watch this movie because Sean Penn was in it, but Rianne and I were almost falling asleep. Rianne and I decided to go upstairs and change already, and after a while Sab came too. We had so much fun laughing and talking, and I couldn't stop laughing, especially because Sab was being very sarcatic and dry humored. Around 4:AM we eventually decided to go to sleep, but I couldn't, so I stayed awake for about an hour. It seemed a really long time, maybe it was longer, I don't know.

I woke up thinking "hey, I did sleep" and I heard Sab moving too, but I wasn't sure if she was awake. I've layed there for about an hour, maybe an hour and a half before we all noticed we were awake, I searched for my cellphone and looked at the display. "It's 2:15!" Hahahah! We had actually slept until that time of day. The day was pretty useless now. We got dressed and ate, and for some reasson Sabine was pretty hungry. It was quite funny. And after that we went to another playground and shot pictures. I haven't seen them yet but I guess they're pretty cool, apart from me, because I look like shit after I've partied and my hair was all over the place.

After that Sabine's parents picked us up and we drove home. I had so much fun, and I really don't wanna wait until we're gonna see each other again.
  • Current Music
    Basket Case - Green Day

Simple Plan, Paradiso

Yesterday I went to the Simple Plan gig with Sabine and Rianne, two friends of mine. We decided we'd all dress up in pink, so that was cool, and I dyed my hair pink as well. We got in Amsterdam around 5:45, Sabine's mum mentioned one of the SP guys was across the street, with the busses and so. So we ran over, and there we met Seb! He signed my picture, and I got a new picture taken with him. Later David came outside the bus but he got in almost directly after. I just mentioned to take on picture of him. He was wearing his horny hat! Oh my god!
Then we went to grab a bite at the local snackbar, and then we waited outside. We waited and we waited, and the doors got opened 20 minutes after they were supposed to be. Then the hectic started. Everybody started pushing! Oh my god I must have lost weight! I got totally squeezed, but it was alright. We got inside and we were at the 7th raw or so. We went to hang our coats and after that Silverstein started playing. Soon I noticed the leadsinger was HOT! Oh my gosh! They played a couple of songs and they were totally awesome.
Then a bit afterwards Simple Plan started playing and that's when the mosh started. As soon as people started moving and moshing, I pushed my way to the front and I ended at the 3rd raw! I was there for about half of the show and had an awesome time! I was at David's side (he's my fave) and I took a lot of pictures and filmed. I touched him, and he spit on me haha. And I touched Pierre's shoes. Anyways let's move on without the teenyness, oh no one more thing! Jeff totally sang this part of a song for me! It was so cool he mouthed along the words and I sang along too, and he was totally looking and singing for me, I reckon. So cool!
People started moshing a lot and I joined them. It was the first time I moshed to be honest but it was fun. Although I didn't enjoy the stagediving. A guy smacked me in the face with his arm, and this girl wanted to jump but everyone stepped behind, so she fell (lol) but she still managed to hit me somehow. It hurt. I thought I'd broken my nose or something! Nah.. not that bad, but it did hurt! Then this guy in the pit touched me and signed asking if I was okay and I nodded. I thought that was really cute of him.
So well they did most of the popular songs, and some others like Happy Together, Drop It Like It's Hot, and PIMP (50 Cent). They also did some kind of song, I don't know what it was but it went like this. "Amsterdam.. Amsterdam.. I love you.. Amsterdam.. Amsterdam.. Gonna miss you" Aww was so cute! Just acoustic, Pierre.
So the show was all awesome and all, afterwards, we went out to buy a tshirt. It was heavily pushing once again. We finally got our way out of the door and waited at the right, where the merchcorner was. There I noticed the drummer of Silverstein, and a bit later I saw the singer too. We were pushing and waiting, and well getting pushed. As we waited this guy behind the merch shouted if anyone wanted Silverstein merch, but no one answered (awww) he tried that serveral times. Then he asked if we wanted free stickers and I was like sure! Then we got them signed by Shane, the singer. Later (waiting really took a long time) I asked Shane if I could take a picture of him (seriously, the guy looked SO cute) and he seemed to be happy about that. He said "Sure, of me or...?" I said "ehm.. maybe together? If that's possible" so he looked around (pushing still going on. Almost impossible to take that picture together) and he took my camera and we got closer to eachother (<333) and he took the picture, as he said "I'm not really good at this" . Haha he wasn't, cos it was almost only me in the picture. So I took the camera back, and gave it to Rianne and she took the picture of us. I thanked him. Later he started talking to Rianne (and I got a little jealous lol) but it was cool! Then after a lot of minutes we bought our tshirts and went off. Actually I wanted to stay, but Sabine's parents were already there. Then we went to the parking lot, and drove home. In the car my mum called and told me I lost my wallet. Aparently somebody had found it in the parking lot and called my homenumber. So lucky! But still, now I'm 2 weeks without my wallet and IDcard.

Anyways, what have we learned so far? : SIMPLE PLAN WAS AWESOME! AND I LOVE SHANE, AND DAVID! OBVIOUSLY...
  • Current Music
    Perfect - Simple Plan


I'm so excited cos I'm gonna see Simple Plan for the 3rd time in 3 days! Yay! But anyways, let me tell you about the highlights of last week, even though I already forgot half of it.
I think it was tuesday or wednesday, we were at philosofy and we had to think of a presentation, not a regular one, but it has to be interesting, so we'll do a play or a video or something like that. So we were discussing these points we could use, when someone got up with (don't fall asleep now) some theory about whether rocks have feelings or not. Haha, and then someone said yeah someone could be the rock and we'll push them down the stairs and see if it hurts. Later I got all excited and said "ooooh can I be the rock can I be the rcck?! I'll be the rock!" and sat there pretending to be a rock haha. Then Annette came and posed like a tree. It was kind of hilarious. I still am a rock now. Oh yeah..
Oh and on tuesday I had guitarlesson right? It was cool cos now I really talked to my teacher about stuff other then guitars which we usually never do. And I got 4 new songs! So awesome. I'm kind of addicted to playing "I Apologize" now, by Krezip. I've been playing nothing else but that the last week, well apart from Good Riddance, which I LOVE playing (Green Day, obviously) Nah not true, but I've played the song a lot.
On thursday we got to bring a cd to school, and we'd listen to that and you had to tell why you thought that was good music. So I brought Green Day, but turned out the whole idea was cancelled and we just played random music in the back, someone played Blink 182, was kind of funny cos I was wearing my Blink shirt that day. And afterwards I got to put on Green Day, and the people seemed to like it. I felt so proud haha.
This weekend I went to my dad's and pretty much fucked around with my computer a bit, and not much exciting. Then I called to get my hair dyed, so I got that done on Sunday. It was supposed to be blond but it didn't get at all, and now my hair is just a little lighter. And it smells man! Jesus christ! I washed my hair 3 times already to get the smell out and finally it's gotten less a bit, but it's not all out yet. Damn! And well as I mentioned before, friday is the Simple Plan concert, and I'm gonna dye my hair pink for that. Hopefully it'll all be good.
  • Current Music

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I should really write more in this diary. I'm trying to find out who I am right now because I feel so fucked up. But that's enough with the feelings. Let me tell you about the happenings. Well, so Christmas holidays right? Christmas was okay apart from the fact my bro kinda ruined the atmosphere. And ehm, a week ago (Thursday) I went to Nijmegen and met up with Do, Mel and Fan. Was fun. Fanny stayed over and we played rummicub. yay. I lost everytime. Pfffs.
Saturday I went to my dad who had just got back from America. He brought some gifts. I got this amazing Green Day bag, and a calendar as well :] Then we celibrated new years and that's about it. On monday I helped my dad out with work a bit and he ordered me the pink Rancid shirt I wanted for ages! Yay!
And the rest of the week was pretty much boring, apart from yesterday. I went shopping with Annette. We were waiting half an hour for the bus and then realized it didn't go because of the holidays. So we had to wait another 30 minutes. We just decided to climb the stairs of the Rabobank haha. Shopping was fun. I bought a tiara. I'll show you in a bit.. and I bought some hairbands. Wanted to buy another one but it was €6! I bought a skirt but returned it because I couldn't find a top to go with it. Later I bought a striped shirt. Cool very cool.
Other than that I've just been on this fucking computer trying to entertain myself chatting and writing.. and I've finished my book for English (The Girl Who Loves Tom Gordon - Stephen King). Now I have to write a report. I don't want to so I'm just gonna do it stressed at the very last minute. And I have to read another book and write a report as well for Dutch. Jeez!

Here's the picture I promised of me and the tiara. Don't I just look like a 10 year old? =D
  • Current Music
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